


Trace

by BoredFox



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-09
Updated: 2018-03-09
Packaged: 2019-03-28 21:45:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13912806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BoredFox/pseuds/BoredFox
Summary: Trace circles on the veins, the red that flows beneath the skin, she had her world wrapped in lace,  and now you're looking from within.





	Trace

**Author's Note:**

> This wasn't intended to be sad but then it got sad, very sad.
> 
> It's been a while since I've done anything HXH related asifididinthefirstplace so if it seems off, I'm sorry.

I extended my claws and traced small circles on the inside of my wrist, taking note of the feel of the tendons, and examining how ticklish it was to feel my nails ghost over my veins. Somehow, the feeling seemed cute, like bunnies, lace, my sister's doll collection. I smiled. 

Alluka loves her dolls, and lace dresses, and she definitely loved bunnies. When we finally decided to stay in one place for a while, she insisted that we get one. One became two, and the two of them together were a handful, and they chewed up several of her dolls and lace dresses. 

I continued to trace circles over my wrist. I mapped where it joined with my palm, and then I traced the lines there. Fortune, life, Jupiter? I no longer remembered what was where, or if the names where correct. Alluka tried reading my palms once, but she found it too complicated and settled for just drawing on them instead.

I move my nail back down to my wrist and revel in the ticklish sensation a bit more. I made the circles smaller and allowed myself to use more pressure. Tears streamed down my cheeks and I inwardly cursed. Soon my nose would feel stuffy, and I would need to leave the warmth of the blanket to get a tissue. 

I stopped the circles in favor of a criss-cross pattern. Maybe I should be drawing in my wrist instead, like when she drew on hers. I didn't like why she did it, I didn't want her to feel that way, but she said drawing there with pen was much better than the alternative, and I agreed with that. I still didn't want her to feel that way in the first place.

The more I thought about it, the more I wanted to will myself to get up and get the purple gel pen on the desk, but that would be getting out of bed and leaving the blanket. I didn't want to leave the blanket for a pen, either. 

I curled up a bit more and pressed my nail into my palm. No more claws, just small red semi-circles on the inside of my hand. Red like my eyes were bound to be, red like the blood in my veins. I didn't like that thought. I began listing every other red thing in the room instead.

The stripes on the bedding, the bookmark in the book in front of me, two buttons on the remote on the nightstand, a symbol on the tag that clung to the cord of the lamp. There was a red light on the TV, too, and the pillowcase on the bed across the nightstand-

The band-aid that I'm being handed. I look up to see a sad-scared-loving-comforting smile on my best friend's face. Gon. He's here, he's still here, and he cares enough to just understand. My heart gives some odd, hopeful but heavy flutter, and I reach up and pull him down into a hug.

He kissed my forehead and sat up, pulling the hand I had been tracing shapes onto up to where he could view it better. No blood. I moved to hold his hand, and when he allowed that, I laughed without voice and dragged him down into the bed. We laughed as we wrestled briefly, and within seconds I had him pinned. He smiled and I kissed his nose before I remember the band-aid he had tried to hand me. It was still in his hand. I took it from him and sat up to examine it. 

It was red and had robots on it. Childish, but endearing. The robots closely resembled Chocorobo; not quite exact, but close. I laughed. 

Gon took my hand again, turning it to expose my wrist, and he traced a few circles of his own there before taking the band-aid back and opening the wrap. He stuck one end to my wrist and then smoothed it out. 

He hugged me, and we fell back on the bed and curled up. Soon he was asleep in my arms, and I stared at the red band-aid on my wrist, looked back to the red pillowcase on the bed he had originally intended to take, and thought about the red in my veins. 

The same red had flowed through hers, too. Now she has all the dolls, lace dresses, and bunnies she could want. Now she has all the things I couldn't give her.

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah this doesn't feel like it ended right :/
> 
> I've been feeling kind of off lately, so I've been doing some vent writing. Not much time to focus on much with school, so I've spent my spring break writing again and it's helping a lot.
> 
> The summary was just some random poetic thin made on the fly. I'm proud of my ability to randomly poemify things


End file.
